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I Don’t Need Sex Crypto Fucks Me Everyday Hoodie | Premium Crypto Trading Jumper
$54.99
The I Don’t Need Sex, Crypto Fucks Me Everyday Hoodie is made for traders who’ve already been humbled by the market. This design captures the raw, unfiltered reality of crypto life, where volatility, liquidations, and late entries hit harder than anything else. It’s self-aware, unapologetic, and instantly relatable to anyone who’s survived more than one cycle.
Built on a premium three-panel fleece hoodie, this piece is designed for colder days, late-night chart watching, and market sessions that stretch longer than planned. The structured fit and soft 3-end fleece provide warmth and durability without sacrificing comfort, making it a go-to layer when a t-shirt isn’t enough and the markets won’t let you sleep.
Available in Black, White, Sandshell, Charcoal Heather, Navy, Royal Blue, Sports Green, Red, and Pale Pink, this hoodie pairs effortlessly with denim, cargos, or layered streetwear fits. Whether you’re trading from home, heading to a meetup, or wearing your scars with pride, it’s built to move with you.
This isn’t just a hoodie, it’s a badge of survival.
Key Features
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Premium three-panel fleece pullover hoodie
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80% combed ring-spun cotton / 20% recycled polyester (varies by color)
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Medium-heavy fabric: 8.25 oz /yd² (280 g/m²)
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Soft 3-end fleece with a smooth, premium feel
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Durable double-needle topstitching on all seams
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Under 5% shrinkage for consistent fit
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Kangaroo pouch pocket for warmth and utility
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Adjustable hood with self-colored drawstrings and metal grommets
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Tear-away label for all-day comfort
Why You’ll Love It
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Designed as a cold-weather statement piece, not a basic tee replacement
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Blunt, high-impact crypto humour that hits harder in hoodie form
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Perfect for winter fits, late-night chart sessions, and off-duty streetwear
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Built for daily wear with structure, warmth, and durability
Care Instructions
- Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F)
- Do not bleach
- Tumble dry: low heat
- Iron, steam or dry: low heat
- Do not dryclean
| S | M | L | XL | 2XL | 3XL | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Width, in | 20.00 | 22.00 | 24.00 | 26.00 | 28.00 | 30.00 |
| Length, in | 27.00 | 28.00 | 29.00 | 30.00 | 31.00 | 32.00 |
| Sleeve length, in | 24.00 | 24.50 | 25.00 | 25.50 | 26.00 | 26.50 |
| Size tolerance, in | 1.00 | 1.00 | 1.00 | 1.00 | 1.00 | 1.00 |
EU representative: HONSON VENTURES LIMITED, gpsr@honsonventures.com, 3, Gnaftis House flat 102, Limassol, Mesa Geitonia, 4003, CY
Product information: Lane Seven LS14001, 2 year warranty in EU and Northern Ireland as per Directive 1999/44/EC
Care instructions: Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F), Do not bleach, Tumble dry: low heat, Iron, steam or dry: low heat, Do not dryclean